its them who makes me move on in the past, but for now...

im such a failure, they were passd on to me in a good condition, still as innocent, no hatred towards **. now i seemd to ruin evrythg, by doing evrythg i think is right. but it doesnt seemd so in their eyes.
if given a choice, i will proceed with the decision i feel like making on 30th june. at least, they will still be seemd as those with poential and be able to excel, given their enthusiasm. they are still able to do much better than us, i guess. no stress on them, they might be able to move further.

fear seemd to be eating into me, taking over the feeling of looking forward to meetg them and teaching them new things evry week, nort at all afraid that they might disappoint me, because i know they wont. up till now, im the one who disappoint them, make np seemd to lifeless to them. this fear seemd to be telling me, that im the one who caused evrythg, who shudnt even get them, who are too good for me. i don even know how to be a good leader, despite 1/2 year of training. i rather nort have anythg from the start, if their interest can come back to them.

im sorry, sec ones.